Where I'm going with this.

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to where I'm going with all this.

You know the days where you sit up suddenly, spill your drink, and realise you've been going about things all wrong and you never notice? That's been my last couple of months.

Since Christmas, everything has been frantic. Some of it was the good frantic, some of it the awful, awful frantic. But it's been impossible to enjoy the good stuff, like wedding plans and the new house, because of the mental drain of the bad stuff.

Some of the bad stuff, like my Grandma's death, was unavoidable. But I bet the funeral wouldn't have been quite so unbearable if I hadn't had to get up at three the next morning to catch a flight to Hungary and work from six in the morning until midnight for the next week.

That's the main problem. Since our Account Director left and I had to pick up the slack (i.e. his job as well as mine, and training a new member of staff) for not much more pay, I haven't had a moment to think about anything but work. I've been travelling an awful lot, which means I haven't been able to spend as much time with my fiance as I'd like, or with my family. There's been a great deal of responsibility and expectations laid on me from all quarters.

So, suddenly I realised that it didn't have to be like this. I could get a new job, without the two hours a day commuting and the constant tenseness.

Because, I remembered, this isn't the career I want. This isn't what I want to be doing five years from now.

In fact, this isn't what I want to be doing two months from now.

So I'll finish out our current projects, the last of which is next week. I'll tidy up the books, go on holiday for a week, then hand in my notice.

Because there is a lot more in my life than this, and everything else is more important.


I discussed all this with Simon a few weeks ago, and he was both supportive and thrilled I was going to get out of something he had seen make me so unhappy lately.

Then on Monday night we told my parents, over dinner. They both thought I was making the right decision.

And my mother said; "It will give you more time to write, too. Because that's what you really want to do." Without me ever telling her that.


I have a feeling that the second half of 2006 is going to be so much better than the first.